I am experiencing a little bit of a lull these days with my book work. I think it’s probably because the bar exam just sat? It is still a mystery to me how the sales machine works. Some days I get traffic and sales, other days I don’t get any traffic or sales. I would like to think I have some semblance of influence over the matter but we all know it’s really completely out of my hands. I recently had a great conversation with another lawyer-author-all around amazing woman Kim and she said something that really stuck with me: lawyers have problems relinquishing control. This is at least very true for me, but coming through this process has definitely been an exercise in letting go of control. Whether I want to or not, I simply don’t have control over a lot of things in my new career. Incidentally, this means that what I do have control over, I must work extra hard on. That part is definitely not easy. I have dropped off on sending out marketing copies and haven’t reached out to anyone in awhile. I need to get back on that bandwagon. Further, I have stalled in building my web-pages for my UBE Picture Book. I really ought to get focused on continuing with that so that I have something to show – another product – by the end of the year.

My huba-friend likes to think of our lives as characters in a story. Only the writer knows what’s going to happen. I, of course, have eagerly adopted his analogy and picture an omnipotent being writing the story of my life. In the meantime, as the character – I have really don’t know what will come, all I can do is put my nose to the grind and keep at it.

In the fall we had my mom’s dog for awhile at our apartment. He would always come stare at me when the fridge was open. He knew that a lot of his food and treats come from this magical box and would look up at me longingly just willing with all his might for a treat. Sometimes I wouldn’t give him anything. Sometimes I would give him a small liver treat. Every once in awhile, when he was extra well behaved I would give him a big bone and spoil him. My experience taking care of him really makes me feel like him and I are not so different. Every night when I go to bed and stare up at my ceiling (where the stars would otherwise be), I think to myself: dear writer, I hope you have some treats for me up in your magic box. Everyday I wake up and work and hope that my good behaviour will earn me some rewards.

Maybe one day even a great big giant bone.